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I share my space with two cats - Lily and Chester. This is the story of Lily and Chester and what they "tell" me.
Call me a crazy cat lady. That's fine. This blog is dedicated to those of us who are owned by cats and believe they're a little smarter than we give them credit for.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Cat+nap=fail

Pre-cat ownership, I had a fantasy of what it would be like to nap with a cat in the house. I imagined curling up under a blanket, having the cat shape her lithe body into an "o" - nose tucked under tail - at my feet, and the two of us slipping gently into slumber.

This never happens. Chester tries to sleep on my head or suckle my fingers. Lily knocks things off shelves in an attempt to get my attention. Or I plop down on the couch and Lily and Chester snuggle in for a nap together in their cat bed, wait for me to fall asleep, and then they become impossibly awake.

Translating my cats' body language and behaviors into human speak - specifically the English language - I will tell you the story of how I woke up this morning and how my afternoon nap went wrong.

First, waking up:
Chester: OH MY GOD! omigodomigodomigod! Look. Look. LOOK! Holy shit, it's the - oops, I dropped it - it's the mouse I lost under the fridge last month! I can't - did you see that? It moved - I can't believe I found it! It was my favorite thing. Here, mom. Take it. IT MOVED! I better kill it! Whew! I love you, mom. Are you proud of me, because I'M proud of me, and - it moved again! Take that! And that! And ... oops. I dropped it off the bed. Be right back! Look, I'm back. And - wait. What's Lily doing in here?
Lily: Wassup guys? Nice mouse. I'm going to look in the window for a minute.
Chester: Whatever. I have a mouse. I think it moved!
Lily: I'm done in the window. Wait. I wonder what's out the window.
Chester: Did you see the pillow? It moved! Take that pillow! And that! AND THAT! Where's my mouse?
Lily: Nothing out the window again. Hey - your face doesn't smell like me anymore. Let me fix that.
Me: JESUS! I'm up!

The nap:
Lily: You up? I hope you're up, because I want under the blanket.
Me: Here.
Lily: That's all that's under there? Hmph. Never mind. Wait. What about on this side? Cool. Wait. No. It's boring on this side. Let me try the other side again. Did you know I can stand on your stomach with my claws out? Oh! I know. I'm going to play 127 Hours - without the boulder and cutting my foreleg off. I sneak around and around and oops! I'm out of the cave. I need petted now. On this side, too. Wait. Your hair is moving. I need to swat it. There. OH! Guess what. My claw totally fits in your nostril. See? Great! You're getting up.

1 comment:

  1. double the amount of cats and you understand why I never get naps.

    ReplyDelete